On Uncertainty in Life

With Finals coming up next week and my transition from being a “first-year” grad student to a “second-year,” I’m feeling a little sentimental and doing a lot of reflecting on where I’m at in my life. I can’t believe how fast time is moving this year!

When I look back over the last year, I realize how much my life has changed. I graduated from college, moved across the country to Pennsylvania, and started grad school. I met the most amazing group of people (Pitt MOT Class of 2016 shoutout!) and I’m so glad to have all of them in my life. I’ve truly never felt closer to any group of people! Which kind of makes sense, considering we spend 8 hours a day together in the same classroom. It was such a whirlwind of a year; things happened so fast.

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Now that I’m finishing up my first year of OT school and preparing to enter my last year of school (hopefully forever, how cool would that be?!), I can’t help but think about what the next year of my life will bring. There’s so much uncertainty right now, and it’s kind of cool (and also pretty scary) that I have no idea where I’ll be in a year. I know that I’ll be in my clinical rotations for school, spending 40 hours a week in a real-life OT setting learning by doing, but I have no idea where I’ll be. I’m almost certain that I’ll be in different states (aka, not in Pennsylvania) for my rotations, but I can’t say for sure. I’d be lying if I said that I was really calm about it, but I do appreciate how exciting it is waiting to find out what my future holds. In June, I should know where my clinicals will be, and until then I’ll be anxiously waiting to hear.

Uncertainty is something that is really hard for me to deal with. I’m a Type A, organize-everything freak with some anxiety issues and the need to plan everything in advance. It kind of stresses me out to not be able to plan my housing arrangements and start figuring everything out in my head for the next year. And that makes me a kind of impatient person–I don’t like waiting! But I have a really good feeling about the next year. Just thinking about how much uncertainty I had just a year ago about the future and realizing how well everything has worked out makes me feel a little more at ease. Not knowing is so hard, but I know it’ll work out. And waiting to hear where my clinical sites will be is the hardest thing ever, but I know it’ll be so worth the wait.

My life is pretty unstable and I often feel like the ground under my feet is shaking. That’s when I turn to my friends and family for support, when I try to persuade myself that everything will work out. Something good is always coming, and I find comfort in knowing that.

xo.

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